March 07, 2006


Wohin Bringen Sie Mich?

Jesus H. Christ twisted into a big soft pretzel--you gotta watch what you say these days in Germany and Austria or you could find yourself in the shithouse for a year or three. Last month in Vienna, British historian and Holocaust-denying whack job David Irving was sent away for three years for statements made way back in 1989. Now, everyone knows that Holocaust revisionists are completely crazy fuckheads, but jail time for saying shit--stupid and offensive as it may be--is a little goddamned harsh. Another guy in Dusseldorf just got a year for "insulting Islam". His crime? Writing the word "Koran" on toilet paper and calling the book a "cookbook for terrorists".

Stupid? Yes.

Offensive? Maybe kinda.

Getting put behind bars for it? Come the fuck on.

Ahhhh, thank God (hahahaha I kill me sometimes) that here in the good old US of A you can still publicly deny the Holocaust and mock religion and not get locked up for it (at least for now). Of course, here at The Dude Minds all due respect is given to the Holocaust and all the victims involved. However, none is given to any religion or all the believers involved. Now, I can tell by the Sitemeter that some of you readers are from Germany and Austria, so you might not want to repeat the following in the beer hall or wherever:

"All the holy scriptures of all the world's major religions are nonsense. Lies. Fabrications. Dangerous mythmaking. All religions are wrong. All of them. And the more they insist on being right, the wronger they are. There is no such thing as a religion that makes sense. All religious leaders are liars and con men. DON'T trust them. Above all, DON'T give them your money. If anyone tells you they know God personally, punch them in the nose. Jesus Schmeezus. Jew Schmoo. Nazi Schmazi. Moslem Schmoslem. Cool it, kids. None of you is right. I realize I'm stepping on most of the world's toes here, but c'mon. You actually believe that shit? Resurrection? Chosen people? Vengeful Allah? Do you pray to a God who loves Christians (and no one else) or Jews (and no one else) or Moslems (and no one else)? It's ridiculous. Jesus is dead. Moses is dead. Mohammed is dead. Buddha, deceased. Every one of these know-it-alls has turned to dust. That should be commentary enough on whether they were the final word on anything. The phrase "nutty religion" is a redundancy. So is "false prophet. " And "cult" is a loaded word used by high-moneyed religiosos to describe any group that threatens their power base. It's a smear term used by ex-cults who've gone professional. Yet there remains a tendency among small-brained nimrods to distinguish between "legitimate" and "fringe" religions. This shows a basic misapprehension of the certifiably cuckoo-nut premises upon which all major world religions are built. They're ALL goofy ontological conspiracy theories, no more or less plausible than the Wizard of Oz. In honest moments, like, say, when a gun is held to their head, most spiritual leaders would admit they don't have the remotest clue why we're here on earth. When push comes to shove, what's their authority? NOTHING beyond some hallucinatory, desert-baked literary blatherings from thousands of years ago. How much blood has been spilled over the imbecile myth of Christ's resurrection? How much Arab-Israeli tension would be eased if both sides just admitted they'd never spoken directly to God? God. The Big Kahuna. Head Cheese. Il Capo di Tutti Capi. The Host with the Most. The Original Gangster. What a retarded concept, even for a movie."

--Jim Goad, "The Redneck Manifesto" Chapter 7, "Prayin' Hard"

Bin ich verhaftet? Ich habe nichts getan! Ich will mit einem Anwalt sprechen! Neiiiiin!!!

Yeah, I heard about that Vienna case. Crazy indeed, as silly and fucked-up as Holocaust revisionism is. I sort of assume that kind of case is just hardcore germanic post-WWII guilt lashing out.

Thanks for stopping by Oral Hygiene Queen! Yes, I'm actually posting now. I've been sucked in to the vortex. And in terms of our party, there was no out-of-towners guest list, just because we were too brain dead to think of it. We're getting our party chops back, and this was just a practice run. Next time, you guys will be alerted.

Rock on!
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