March 22, 2006
Shopping With Orwell
Fucking A! More whiz-bang tech coolness at Jewel--they totally rock nads, saving me from having to take out that goddamned heavy debit card from my wallet and actually swipe it. And just in the nick of time, as I was becoming exhausted in one of the four self-checkout lanes (where unionized employees once toiled), scanning all those cases of beer and whatnot by myself. I was thinking the other day, motherfucker, I got ten good fingers right here--why can't I just pay with one of them? Well, my wish has come true.
It's a safer, faster way for me to pay my bills! That's what our friend Larry Wahlsrtom, president of Jewel-Osco said yesterday. I sure am glad it's safe, because I was worried that Jewel and/ or whoever made those machines might do some shit with my fingerprints. However, our friend John Morris, president and chief operating officer of Pay By Touch Solutions said, "We're capturing and comparing a set of unique descriptors about a person's biometric, without storing the image.....the set of descriptors could not be used to regenerate a fingerprint."
Well, that's good enough for me.
I'm actually tempted to try it out and see how fast I get ratted on--suppose I signed up and then went to about three dozen Jewels and Oscos in and around town, buying nothing but Sudafed or its generic equivalent and using my (sort of?!) fingerprint to do it. How fast do you think the Chicago Police, the FBI, and other assorted feds would be at my door?
Does anyone dare me?
Ah, shit. I like my ten fingers (and my ribs) the way they are, nice and unbroken. I also like my exit-only asshole just the way it is, thank you.