September 17, 2005


Hurricane? What Hurricane?

While driving west on Irving Park Rd. yesterday, I began to see men who appeared to be between fifty and sixty-five years old in bright yellow vests collecting donations at intersections. Thinking it might be for hurricane victims, I reached for a few bucks to stuff in the cans they were carrying. However, when I got closer to the volunteers, I noticed that the red lettering on their vests said "Help Retarded Children". Worse, the front of the vests said "Knights of Columbus". I quickly put my goddamned wallet back in my pocket.

What the FUCK?

While everyone else and their uncle are busy collecting money and cans of creamed corn or whatever for people who lost all their shit, you can count on conservative Catholics (our friends who made sure "Under God" was added to the Pledge) to hit the streets in the midst of a crisis and pass the hat for a non-issue like "retarded" children.

Puh-lease. Not to knock "retards" or anything (and I'm well aware that there are cases of otherwise "normal" kids that suffer brain damage during childbirth and from post-partum illness or traumatic injury, and all monies donated in such instances would be a good thing), but goddamn--in this day and age, there is prenatal testing available that detects Down's syndrome and other defects, and if you elect not to have the testing or ignore a positive result and have the kid because you are following the orders of a man with a silly white hat sitting in Rome (who also won't let you use rubbers), then all financial responsibility lies with you. If you want to ask your fellow cannibals at Mass for a few bucks to help take care of your "special" little bundle that you chose to bring into the world, fine--but don't go into traffic and expect the public to subsidize your anti-choice decision, especially when there is much worse shit happening in the country.

Actually, I take that back--go into traffic.

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