July 05, 2005


c'MoN DuDes, jOIn ThE aRMy!

Today the Chicago Sun-Times joined the Bush administration's increasingly futile effort to put a happy face on a smoking, bloody skull by featuring a couple of military poster boys who are so gung-ho that they want to return to Iraq for more. The article "Many soldiers eager to re-enlist" starts out by briefly mentioning that the first guy "joined the Army to get away from his part-time jobs as a telemarketer and a cargo handler". Fuck, don't dwell on the reasons behind a 24-year old having two part-time jobs that sucked so bad and paid so little that he would sign his life away to the military--let's get right to spreading the lie that "the Army offers him a career as a communication specialist and his family a secure future."

"The Army gives you a chance to see life.....you're secure. You have food. You have shelter. You have a paycheck."

The story, which reads as if it were written by a goddamned military recruiter, continues with a soldier who wants to return to Iraq and jump out of airplanes EVEN THOUGH HE GOT PART OF HIS FUCKING LEG BLOWN OFF last year.

"It's my life. It's where I need to be."

The Sun-Times has to keep it cool, but the message is clear: "Hear that, you shiftless no skills part-time job having mid-20s no future sacks of shit? You won't even join, and this hardcore motherfucker with one leg is going back to defend freedom while you sit around on your candy asses playing video games and think about fucking his girlfriend. If you were any kind of man, you would run right down to the mall and sign up, you faggot."

The article ends with a short paragraph about pussies who "even try to get out of their original service commitments". The paper should have been required to put "Advertisement" at the top of this blatant piece of propaganda. Jesus fucking christ in a foxhole.

So, wait...are you a Democrat...?
Howdy, Jeff. I've noticed lately how all the Republicans I know of at work-- you know, the same ones who complain about the '1980 scabs' and who have funded their middle- to upper-middle-class lifestyles around high-paying, fishbowl union jobs that are coddled by a 'Democratic' mayoral administration against whose corruption they are always railing (whew)-- have gone almost completely silent about the Iraq war.

Could it be, I sometimes wonder silently, that they don't want their own cannon-fodder-age and near-cannon-fodder age kids to sign up for the cluster-fuck for which they themselves have reflexively voted? Well, I needed wonder no more. One Republican-- who is really a nice guy, but who I think votes Republican because of the gay-baiting-- actually said that he doesn't want his son getting involved in that mess.

Now, sure, I'm guessing that there are a few of these high-falutin' lunch pail Repubs who would happily encourage their children to pass through the fire-- one such hyper-macho, chain-smoking, alcoholic, adultering gay-basher comes to mind-- but I have to believe that such gilded, souped-up, kool-aid-guzzling ignorance is relatively rare, even within our less-than-enlightened profession.

Anyway, have you noticed how none of the Bushies have directly asked their constituents to run out and sign up? Could it be that when there was another unnecessary war that needed warm bodies, they all found ways out of it?
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