saved sinners! I'm talking
to all you strong men of christ
out there,
you Promise Keepers,
you spiritual
leaders
of households--
it's time
to get up! Shit, shower, shave
and make sure
you have a good hearty breakfast,
because today
you have to
stand in front
of your pastor,
your fellow church-goers,
your wife
and your young children
and admit to
surfing,
viewing,
purchasing,
downloading,
hiding,
and jacking off
over
and over again
to pictures of
tits, ass,
pussies, cocks
(come on, don't deny it),
legs, feet,
all of it
(my fucking god, it's amazing you had enough spunk left over to make those five kids, let alone meet the needs of your sweet liitle christian closet freak wife--trust me, she is).
That's right, today is National Porn Sunday, and evangelicals
like yourself are gathering
in churches across the land
to out themselves
and admit their "dirty
little secret". It's all over now, pal.
This is it for you.
No more copies of Juggs or Hometown Girls
hidden in the garage.
No more sneaking down
to the computer in the basement
at 3 AM to visit Busty Asians or Former Girlfriends. You and the other men in your church
have to make a choice--to either serve and obey god and jesus
and be a good husband and father,
or continue in your secret double life of sin,
sneaking around peeking at tits, ass, pussies and cocks.
Today is the day you get it all out in the open.
Today is the day you make a new start.
Today is the day you ask jesus for forgiveness.
Today is the day you admit your addiction to porn and renounce it forver!!!Well, maybe for a few months, anyway.
After all, you ARE a man.
You were hard-wired this way.
Hey, you've been good all winter--no magazines, no websites,
no jerking off even to the many images
tucked away in your brain.
But fast forward to spring, and with the warm weather, women are shedding
their heavy winter coats and sweaters
and starting to show more skin.
You see them everywhere on the way to and from work,
and on the train one day you see a woman
in a tight shirt and short skirt sitting across from you.
You instantly imagine her sucking you off in the church boiler room,
but just as fast you look away and pray
to god for strength. But, fuck, man, they're everywhere.
You start to notice the models in the clothing ads in the Sunday paper.
The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue appears in the office break room.
You turn on the TV to watch a boxing match,
but the first thing you see
is women's beach volleyball. Your wife,
who has been having a good old time
since you started paying a little attention to her,
starts getting the Victoria's Secret catalog in the mail.
You take your kids to the pool,
and you can't help but see
the hot, 22 year old lifeguard
and her friends. FUCK FUCK FUCK!
Once again you pray,
pray to god to deliver you from sin,
but goddammit, you ARE a man......See you in line soon at the 7-11, you beatoff. And jesus will too.
I am happy to announce that after this glorious day of healing, every Sunday from now on will be Porn Sunday here at The Dude Minds. Praise the lord!
i think it is funny, in a way, the lengths that are gone to by people like you to offend any Christians who might bump into your site by accident. i hope you don't think that anyone will ever take you seriously if you continue to make yourself sound like an angry, stupid person. language lowers your IQ points by about 50 points and simply means that you don't take time to think about what you are saying - so why would anyone listen to you? thanks for the chuckle.
ReplyDeleteps. i am a christian
I only see large numbers in place of the images? Is that your intention?
ReplyDeleteThen again...trying to load all those images on my rig made my rig kinda quesy (sic) for a few minutes:-)
Were you running the Moody show while creating that dig?
what a scrotum tasting dog ball licker.....right?? Reverend!!!! i know you personally....wait until I tell your congregation!!!
ReplyDelete